The Girls That End in E

The 6 Girls You Must Hook Up With — In College or at Least Once In Your Life

Posted by Austin W. Dallas | 0 Comments

The Firewoman – No she does not have an illustrious Tom Selleck moustache to justify being a fire fighter. Her act of public servitude is an unwavering dedication to the fire started between the sheets. Even unconscious she manages to naturally hose down the blazing inferno you two started. Unfortunately, you wake up soaking wet in a puddle of piss and you assume she is going to think you did it.

The Free Spirit – In this day and age it seems like every garden you see has completely eliminated bushes along its #1 attraction’s path. Embrace this free spirit’s nether region. Inhale it, and bask in its scent capturing glory. Do not worry about the future throat obstruction and just enjoy the special funk brought to you by this wonderful nonconformist.   

The Accommodator –She is such a sweetheart and so eager to cater to your needs. Her fundamental love philosophy is: “When the front door is painted red, you can always come in the back.” Jackpot! Except, there is no gold at the end of this rainbow, just nuggets.

The Magician – If you decide to keep her around after you hook up, be warned because she needs a lot of attention. Your leisurely days playing Halo or Call of Duty are over. Your beard trimmers will constantly fail, and remote controls will never work. In fact every single battery in your house quickly loses it charge after replacement or mysteriously disappears all together. Double A batteries power her magic wand which she is never very far from. So you better eat plenty of oysters or invest in lots of the pink bunny’s turds.

The Waif – She is either nobody’s daughter and/or has extreme Daddy issues. After brief introductions and minimal eye contact, she can usually be talked into going home with you in seven words or less. An added bonus is she will let you leave a little bit of yourself inside her. But there is a downfall; she will also tell you she loves you during sex if you got drunk enough to last more than thirty seven seconds. Don’t fret though she will stay around and let you try again in the morning, but don’t expect her to remember your name either.

The Jackhammer Officer – In order for her to warm up, she needs you to “man” her jackhammer crew. She is 100% in command of those glass, steel, silicone, and rubberized toys that are modeled after us. In order to qualify to be on her crew you have got to work your way up the ranks. How exactly do you get a promotion in this woman’s outfit? You will have to buy my book Whiskey Soaked Panties in order to find out.


The Girls That End in "E"

  • Courtney if you want to read about a girl who might be from another planet.
  • Sandy if you want to read about a girl who Facebook stalks and might time travel.
  • Robbie if you want to read about a girl who gave me a red rocket.
  • Allie if you want to read about a girl who likes to play dress up.

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