The Girls That End in E


Posted by Austin W. Dallas | 0 Comments

Robin and I were involved in a very casual relationship for a short term. It was one of those end of summer fun times that falls apart before the holidays when some relationships tend to get a little more serious. We were friends before we got involved and she knew not to expect much from me in the emotions department. We had a good time and we enjoyed fooling around, but I think we both knew it was never going to go anywhere. I think she wanted a little more than I was willing to give at the time, but she never pressured anything. It was good most of the time, but there was one episode in our time together…

Robbie and I ran into each other with some mutual friends at a bar in Uptown Dallas. After a few drinks, we ended up making a very inappropriate tongue exchange on the patio in front of a lot of people. We decided to go inside and we found ourselves in the bathroom tongue lashing and groping each other. Things started to get a little hot and heavy so we decided to head back to her place. Morning came and I had to piss like a pregnant woman. I went in to the bathroom.

“Would you look at that?”

“Look at what?”

“You gave me a rusty pipe.”

“I gave you a WHAT?”

“You know, the leftover mess from last night made my d^%k look like a rusty pipe after it dried.”

“Austin, that is gross. I guess we do not EVER have to do it again.”

“Ugh! Do not be so melodramatic, I was only kidding. Be good or I will show it to you.”

“Thanks, I have no desire to your rusty pipe, but I would like to see your cute butt. Come here.”

“One sec. Let me clean up a little.”

“I’ll be waiting impatiently.”

“Why can’t all girls be this horned up during their time of the month?”

“I am not like all girls.”

Blah. Blah. Blah. You get the picture.

The next day I was over at Robbie’s house after work. She was getting ready to go out to dinner while I was lying on her couch. She started talking to me from her room.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?”

“I was thinking about trying that new taco place.”

“What new taco place?”

“The rusty taco.”

“You are not serious?”

“Yes I am serious. I want to try it out, it smelled really good last night when I was in that area.”

“I think I just threw up in my mouth.”

“Why? You can get yours with extra cheese on it just like you like it.”

“Austin stop.”

“Is it not very good? Do you know someone that has eaten there already?”

“I think Shane and Julie tried it once before. I am way too self conscious for us to go there.”

“Darlin', its a freakin' taco. What is there to be self conscious about? It's not like you have not eaten one before.”

“Austin, that was a long time ago.”

“A long time ago? I swear you told me you ate tacos at your girlfriend’s house recently.”

“I did no such thing.”

“I do not understand what the big deal is anyway. You asked me what I wanted to have and I told you I wanted to go the rusty taco. Can we just get it over with so we can go do something more fun?”

“Fine, Austin, whatever you want.”

“Geez” (So she could not hear)

About five minutes later. She comes over, sits on my stomach and starts to kiss me.

“Well hello there Miss Robbie. Are you ready to do this?”

“If you are sure you want to go there?”

In an annoyed tone, “Yes I am sure. I want to know what if it is as good as people say.”

“You have friends that say it was good?”

“Oh yeah. Some of them say that the rusty taco tastes way better than any taco they have had before.”

“I cannot imagine that is true, but guys like things that are very different than what girls like.”

She pushes my head deeper into the pillow and straddles my face. I was a little thrown off at first because I thought her body was still playing Texas Tech. I guess she just wants to get it on, which is fine with me, I do not mind at all. I obliged her, grabbed her ass and willingly proceeded. A few seconds later I realized that I could no longer continue this game…I figured out that I was not eating a regular glazed donut…I was in fact eating a jelly filled donut. Except, I was not at enjoying one from Shipley’s, I was dining on one served at the Iron Cactus. I very quickly reacted and pushed her down, spit and wiped my face with my sleeve.

“What the hell did you do that for Robin?”

“You said you wanted to.”

“When the f&^% did I say I wanted to eat on Mars?”


“The Red Planet”

“That’s clever”

“Back on point please. When did I say anything about wanting to do that?”

“Like ten minutes ago.”

“Are you insane? I said nothing of the like. Did I forget to pay my bill somewhere and you thought you would go ahead and deliver me a red envelope?”

“I was in the other room and you said you wanted to eat at the rusty taco. I asked you like three times if you were sure.”

“Yeah, THE Rusty Taco, the restaurant; not Your rusty taco.”

“Oh my God! I am so embarrassed. I thought you were insinuating that you wanted to try that after you called your d^%k a rusty pipe the other morning.”

In a high pitch octave, “NOOOO! I actually wanted to go eat at the restaurant on Greenville.”

“There is a restaurant on Greenville called the Rusty Taco? That’s not a very good name for a restaurant.”

“Well not in this context it’s not, but I did not think of it like that till NOW.”

“I am SO sorry Austin.”

“It’s okay. You can make it up to me later. Right now, I just want to wash my face, go grab some food and we can forget all about this.”

“That sounds good, please forget. And please do not tell our friends about this.”

“No promises! It is actually kind of funny.”

“AUSTIN W________ DALLAS!”

“Fine! I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you.”

I cleaned up. We went and grabbed some dinner. This story is a testament that sometimes men and women communicate in very different ways. So my advice is to be cautious when using sexual innuendo between you and your partner. Trust me, you do not want to end up like me. All I wanted to do was go try out a new restaurant called The Rusty Taco. I had no idea I was going to end up getting fed Red Robin.

The Girls That End in "E"

  • Courtney if you want to read about a girl who might be from another planet.
  • Sandy if you want to read about a girl who Facebook stalks and might time travel.
  • Robbie if you want to read about a girl who gave me a red rocket.
  • Allie if you want to read about a girl who likes to play dress up.

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